An Open Letter To God

So, God, I was driving by one of your houses today and saw an amazing sight. The house was decorated with red, white and blue plastic flags that went from there to a sign advertising that this was one of your places. On the sign, I was surprised to see the following statement.

Jesus is the Christians' Statue of Liberty

Now, I like to think I'm a loyal American as much as the next person. While I do bitch...can I say that word? Well, you know what I mean. I do bitch about the state of our nation on a regular basis. I'm sure you've heard me going on about war, women's rights, poverty and so on. I think I'm like you in the respect that I want to see the ills of the world go away.

My question is this: Is it okay to decorate one of your houses with American flags or other patriotic symbols? Is it okay to equate Jesus with the Statue of Liberty?

God, I've got to ask. Do you celebrate July 4th? Is our nation's birthday such a big deal to you that people who work in your name has to use your houses for it? I remember the time in the Bible when Jesus got pissed about all the buying and selling that was going on in the temple. Now, I know this isn't exactly the same, but on the surface it looks like rather than praising, praying and preaching your word, they'll throw in some 'God Bless the USA' by Lee Greenwood for starters.

Now, that I've got your attention with this, there are few other issues I'd like to take up. Can you please tell the following people to shut the hell up?

Rather than name all of the personalities, I'll just say everyone at Fox News. If I were to list them name by name, it could run out the bandwidth on my blog and you'd never get to them all. Fox News Channel should cover them all.

Newt Gingrich. Now this guy has had his 15 minutes of fame. It's time for him to retire to Florida, get a tan and a haircut. All he does is lie and bash people who don't talk like him. He's been doing this since '92, I think. He's recycled his talking points so much over the years that they might actually be biodegradeable by now, but my guess is that it will still take another 100 years for it to completely degrade without harming the environment.

Ann Coulter. Need I say more? Moving on...

Tucker Carlson. Boy, oh, boy. Where to start with him. I've got to know, God. Does he make as little sense when he prays to you as he does when he opens his mouth on TV? You can tell me. I won't tell a soul.

Michell Malkin. She's neurotic, God. I really think she needs medication. Not even your divine intervention could cure whatever it is that ails her.

James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, and Pat Robertson. I put all three of these guys together because they all do the same thing. They use your name to bash other religions, denigrate anyone who doesn't talk like them or even believe as they do. They say you're going to rain fire and brimstone on the U.S. for not doing exactly what you want. If that's the case, God, you've had over 200 years to toss some hell down from the heavens. It seems to me that if you didn't do it during the 60's, 70's and 80's, then we'd have to really slip into some serious moral depravity in order for their predictions to come true.

Rush Limbaugh. Drug addiction, Viagra, trysts to Caribbean to get laid. You'd think the guy would shut up anyway.

Bill Bennett. Racist jerk who doesn't know when to STOP talking.

Michael Savage. This is a guy who is in serious need of one of your spiritual awakenings...kind of like what happened to that Paul fellow on the way to Damascus. Not the kind that makes Savage to want to go out and start churches everywhere, but the kind that says to give all his money to charity, move to Africa and feed the hungry. At least it'll get him off the air.

This isn't all of the ones I'd like to see shut up, God, but it certainly is a good start. Some of the others that should sometimes shut up, I can handle, and if those I did list did shut up, it might wake up the others enough to think before they open their mouths.

Well, God, I think this covers it...for now. I'll take up other issues and/or questions at a later time. Might want to brush up on some Biblical history just in case.

Later.